Thursday, January 22, 2009

Instant Art Critique Phrase Generator

Have I posted the Instant Art Critique Phrase Generator before? I can't remember. If so, it's due another airing. If not, it's overdue. In the interest of equity and balanced coverage, I also post poetry related generators and promise to cover other areas as well...

Feeling inarticulate? Critically gauche? Or just verbally powerless?
With the Instant Art Critique Phrase Generator, you need never again feel at a loss for commentary or 'insights.'

Here's how it works:

Pick at random any five-digit number, such as 80479, then read off phrase #8 of Table A, phrase #0 of Table B, and so on. The result is a Critical Response to the Art Product (figure out the acronym) sentence. Add a few more five-digit numbers to make a longer C.R.A.P.statement.

After you have mastered the basic technique, you can realize the full potential by arranging the phrases in DAECB order, etc. Soon you can produce critiques as easily and fluently as anyone with an MFA!

1) I'm troubled by how
2) With regard to the issue of content,
3) I find this work menacing/playful because of the way
4) It should be added that
5) I agree/disagree with some of the things that have just been said, but
6) Although I am not a painter, I think that
7) Um...
8) I'm surprised that no one has mentioned yet that
9) It's difficult to enter into this work because of how
0) As an advocate of the Big Mac Aesthetic, I feel that

0) the internal dynamic
1) the sublime beauty
2) the disjunctive perturbation
3) the optical suggestions
4) the reductive quality
5) the subaqueous qualities
6) the iconicity
7) the aura
8) the mechanical mark-making
9) the metaphorical resonance

0) of the biomorphic forms
1) of the sexual signifier
2) of the negative space
3) of the spatial relationships
4) of the facture
5) of the purity of line
6) of the Egyptian motifs
7) of the gesture
8) of the figurative-narrative line space mark
9) of the sexy fish

0) verges on codifying
1) seems very disturbing in light of
2) contextualizes
3) endangers the devious simplicity of
4) brings within the realm of discourse
5) makes resonant
6) visually and conceptually activates
7) notates
8) spatially undermines
9) threatens to penetrate

0) the accessibility of the work
1) a participation in the critical dialogue of the 90s
2) the eloquence of these pieces
3) the remarkable handling of light
4) the inherent overspecificity
5) the distinctive formal juxtapositions
6) the essentially transitional quality
7) the larger carcass
8) the substructure of critical thinking
9) the exploration of montage elements


  1. Yeah, I did it. Boy, did I sound ever so pompous!

  2. I wonder if we could extend this into town critiques with zip codes.

    Mountainair: 87036

    "I'm surprised that no one has mentioned yet that the aura of the biomorphic forms endangers the devious simplicity of the essentially transitional quality."

  3. Huh. Sounds about right.

  4. Dennis, you've either revolutionizing discourse, developing a neat game (board or online?)- or both.

    FWIW there are business phrase and business plan generators as well as ones for political speeches...


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